There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
