I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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