My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
