I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
