No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
