She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
