Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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