the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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