Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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