very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
