I must be too annoying 4 u.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
