I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
