I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
