I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
