At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
