i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
birth control should be required to get into college
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
