when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
