I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i barfeds in our rink
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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