you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
