when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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