Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
