"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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