i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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