Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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