Pappa wants mamma naked
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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