He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
