last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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