my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
