Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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