The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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