Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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