last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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