In the future we'll all be gay
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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