Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
