Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
