You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
