What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
