You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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