I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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