we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
