I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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