I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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