dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
