we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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