I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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