Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
