We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
pray to the hookup gods
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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