I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
