3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
