So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
