thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
