my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
