The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
