I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
