It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
