My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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