So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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