I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
